The viral video about the Dalai-lama kissing a boy gave rise to numerous reactions on social media, most of them attacking the Dalai-lama and accusing him of paedophilia, others, much rarer, trying to defend him by various means. The large majority of reactions have “QAnon” undertones with references to far-right conspiracy theories about world elite pedophiles. I will leave that particular aspect aside here. I will do the same for the geopolitical side of the Tibetan question and the Dalaï-lama’s former status as a theocratic ruler.
What remains is an incident around a charismatic religious leader and a popular global public figure (Nobel Prize of Peace) and role model for many, who when required by a boy to give a hug, first asked the boy for a kiss on the cheek, then on the mouth and then to suck his tongue. This happened in front of an audience of students and members of the M3M Foundation in the courtyard of the Dalaï-lama’s temple in Dharamsala. “Uninformed” people who watch the video tend to be shocked by what they see. I.e. uninformed about Tibet and Tibetan Buddhism, the status of the Dalai-lama as a holy man, a living Buddha, the embodiment of wisdom and compassion, whose mere gaze, contact, touch etc. are considered to be blessings. Not knowing all this, they tend to see a child being used or abused in public by an authoritative religious figure.
The general reaction of Tibetans in exile tends to be in defense of the Dalaï-lama, who is seen either as a living Buddha, a holy man or a human model of wisdom, love and compassion, often smiling, humorous and sometimes teasing and cheeky. His motivations are always pure and those who see any faults in him ought to look at themselves and their biased perceptions twice.
Western converts and sympathizers of Tibetan Buddhism (or the Tibetan cause) tend to be divided in their opinions regarding the video. The more unconditional Western converts side with the Tibetans. They may be aware of various scandals in the past involving Tibetan hierarchs, they may have read critical articles and books, watched videos and documentaries about abuse in Tibetan Buddhism, and even admit there may be some rotten apples here and there, but that Tibetan Buddhism and its clerks on the whole are above suspicion. Even more so for holy men like the Dalai-lama. Having any contact with him is considered a blessing.
Unlike more pious Buddhists, other Western converts may consider the clerks of Tibetan Buddhism foremost as mortal men of flesh and blood, with their qualities and faults. They may disapprove of this specific action of the Dalai-lama, but still have faith in him and in Tibetan Buddhism, in spite of the various incidents and scandals. Some of them seem to think that due to his advanced age, the Dalai-lama may show signs of senility or dementia, which is a real possibility. This could partly explain his for the least surprising behavior, because they do think it was surprising and unlike his old self.
One of the arguments put forwarth by Tibetans in exile points to cultural differences and lack of knowledge of Tibetan culture and customs. There is the old Tibetan tradition of sticking out one’s tongue (lce bsnar/rkyang) as a greeting. Tibetans in exile don’t use this way of greeting each other, they also don’t tend to greet each other through kissing each other on the cheek or on the mouth, not to mention sucking their tongues.
One explanation, that is also popular among some Western converts, is the one given by Jigme, a Tibetan living in the USA.
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| Jigme |
“[5:02] In our Tibetan culture our elders, especially our grandparents, who really didn't have much to give or offer, would affectionately make fun of a child, when they asked for something. A child could ask them for a candy or some pocket change, and the Elder would lovingly barter for affection and then trap you with a joke or a riddle. (‘gram du ‘o byas cig dang po) First give me a kiss on my cheek. (dbu gtug dgos) I need you to touch your forehead on my forehead. (sna gtug dgos) let's touch our noses. (da ‘o cig dgos) Give me a kiss. (Da nga’i lce leb bza’) Which means I gave you everything, so the only thing left for me, is for you to eat my tongue. So the child probably never gets the candy or money, but gets a beautiful lesson on life, love and family. That is exactly what His Holiness tenderly did to the child, the boy who asked for a hug. He gave him as much love, affection and kindness as one would receive from a Tibetan family.”
The Dalai-lama didn’t greet the boy in ancient Tibetan fashion (lce bsnar/rkyang), nor did he ask the boy to eat his tongue (lce bza’), for lack of giving a candy or anything else to “eat”, he asked him to suck his tongue (lce gzhib). The argument doesn’t hold, but seems to be welcomed with a certain relief by some[1].
Jigme’s video starts with his introduction and explanation of "eat my tongue" and ends with the video of the incident, so that viewers can watch the whole scene well prepared and perceive it like “a traditional Tibetan” or a well informed Westerner would see it: an elder, with not much to offer, barters his grandson for affection. When the holy tongue is shoved in the face of the boy, he initially seems to (mis)understand the Dalaï-lama’s “innocent and playful” intention, and withdraws instinctively. The Dalai-lama is not the boy’s elder or family and the scene does not take place in a modest Tibetan home, but in the Dalaï-lama’s temple in Dharamsala during an official ceremony in front of an audience, hence the camera presence before, during and after the event.
For the audience, the boy and his mother the Dalai-lama is a holy man
with blessings, transmittable through a darshan,
an embrace, prasad,
Liberation Upon Sight, Hearing, Touching, or Taste, etc. Whatever way a holy man chooses to
pass on his blessing is acceptable for the faithful, including jokes, teasing and crazy wisdom.
The boy is one of the two sons of Dr.Payal Kanodia (the mother), “trustee of the M3M Foundation and a Director at the M3M Group, where she plays a vital role in the operation of her family's business.” After the ceremony (February, 28th 2023), mother and son were interviewed and declared they felt blessed[2]. The boy's grandfather, Basant Bansal, Founder Chairman of M3M Group, was sitting next to the Dalai-Lama.
Jigme’s explanation about a Tibetan grandfather using the expression “eat my tongue” to his grandson, and the declarations by the boy and his mother/Trustee of the M3M Foundation after the event about the positive energy and blessings received from His Holiness are presented as the right perspective from which the footage should be viewed. There are other perspectives though.
"Child rights activist Shola Mos-Shogbamimu said we should not normalise child molestation under the garb of playful behaviour with children. This is NOT playful banter & so inappropriate to use ‘affectionately plants kiss’ alongside ‘suck my tongue’. Hugs are fine not this. Don’t normalise molestation of kids Don’t care how revered the Dalai Lama is I’m not OK with a child sucking a grown man/woman/anyone’s tongue,” (The Independent, 13/04/2023)
“Kaysang, who goes by one name and is a Tibetan feminist educator in India, told VICE World News that “suck my tongue” in Tibetan is also a game for the elders to deter cheeky kids from pestering them.
“The word ‘suck’ in the Tibetan language is ‘jhip’, and this is not a word that is sexualised in our culture,” she said. “ Tibetans Explain What ‘Suck My Tongue’ Means. It’s Not What You Think.
"[He] has called the spiritual leader's actions "innocent" and said it demonstrated his "affectionate behaviour".On Thursday, Mr Tsering said the Dalai Lama's actions had been misinterpreted and that the controversy had hurt the sentiments of his followers.He also said that the Dalai Lama has always lived in "sanctity and celibacy" and that his years of spiritual practice had taken him "beyond the sensorial pleasures"."
A German monk, Tenzin Peljor, writes on Facebook:
"I guess the Dalai Lama has no clue what the term »suck« means from the perspective of people who are used to a sexualised language. Based on his broken, self-taught English, he might have even chosen the wrong term (instead of »eat«, as the Tibetan, Jigme la, explains in his video at minute 5*, he might have accidentally used the term »suck«.) Though this is mere speculation, it is a view that can be considered too instead of projecting only the worst."
I was unable to find any hits on the Internet for the current Tibetan expression "Eat my tongue" (lce [leb] za - in all declinations) or "Suck my tongue" (lce [leb] 'zhibs [dang] - in all declinations) in a non-sexualised sense, but that doesn't say much. The only hits are contributions after the incident (28/02/2023) mentioning this Tibetan (Amdo) tradition. The Dalai-Lama who can say in perfect English "I am a Marxist", "But not a Leninist", surely knows the difference between eat and suck.
"Suck", "eat" and "lick" can have the same sexual connotations in Tibetan as in any other language. The Dalai-Lama and other Tibetans may have read Surūpa's Kāmaśāstra in Tibetan (Tengyur: 'dod pa'i bstan bcos by slob dpon gZugs bzang), or Gedün Chöpel's "Tibetan Arts of Love" ('Dod pa'i bstan bcos), translated into English by Jeffrey Hopkins, or other Tantric scriptures on sexual yoga, such as can be found in the Kālacakra literature or elsewhere. Unlike the other forms of Buddhism, Buddhist Tantra claims that without the use of "sensorial pleasures", full awakening is impossible.
In Death, Intermediate State and Rebirth in Tibetan Buddhism, by Lati Rinpoche, Jeffrey Hopkins, H.H. the Dalai Lama (1981), we read about the progressive arising of consciousness according to Buddhist Tantra.
"1. Desire: attachment to an object not yet attained 2. Adherence: attachment to an object attained 3. Great joy: a joyous mind upon seeing the pleasant 4. Middling joy 5. Small joy 6. Rejoicing: pleasure due to having achieved a desired object 7. Rapture: a mind repeatedly experiencing a desired object 8. Amazement: contemplating an object that did not arise before 9. Excitement: a mind distracted through perceiving a pleasant object 10. Contentment: satisfaction with a pleasant object 11. Embracing: desiring to embrace 12. Kissing: desiring to kiss 13 Sucking: desiring to suck 14 Stability: a mind of unchanging continuum..." etc. (p. 40)
From the Tibetan Arts of Love:
"Gedun Chopel appears to have taken the Kama Sutra as a starting point and creatively molded and amplified on it.
1. mutual acknowledgment, pratibodha (phan tshun shes pa): a kiss of mutual acknowledgment as when two who were previously acquainted meet again.
2. initial kissing (dang po'i 'o): the man pinches a timid girl's ear and then kisses it and the crown of her head.
3. throbbing, sphuritaka (gul 'phrig can): a vibrating kiss on the lips.
4. sign, nimittaka (mtshan ma can). The woman rubs the man's body with her lips and tongue, thereby showing that she has engendered joy, due to which it is called a sign, a basic meaning of the Sanskrit word nimittaka. In the Kama Sutra (II.3.10) nimittaka refers to a young girl's merely touching her lover's lips but out of shyness does not suck his lips, due to which it is translated as "Limited Kiss"3 and "Nominal Kiss".What in the Kama Sutra is a kiss in shyness is a kiss of full-fledged desire for Gedun Chopel.
5. waterwheel, ghatika (chu yi 'khor lo): with cheek to nose, a kiss on the mouth, rubbing the inside of the partner's mouth with the tip of the tongue.
6. after-kiss, uttara (rjes kyi 'o): the woman kisses all over the male after (uttara) he has done so to her. In the Kama Sutra (II.3.21) uttara refers to "upper"; the woman sucks the lower lip of the man, and the man kisses the upper lip of the woman; hence, it is translated as "Upper Lip Kiss".
7. jewel-case, pitaka (sprog ma can): the male sucks and kisses the stomach of the woman lying down. 8. the last kiss, an intoxicated drinking of the emitted regenerative fluid, is unnamed. This does not appear in the Kama Sutra." (p. 69-71).
The expression "suck" with clearly sexual connotations is also found in the same work.
"7. anthers of a flower, puṣpakeśa (me tog ze ba): the tongue and the lips are sucked hard between the teeth.(p. 76)[3]
Like many Tibetans, the Dalai-Lama may have laughed out loud when reading stories about Drukpa Kunley, The divine madman (translated into English by Keith Dowman).
"Later Pebdak asked for the Lama’s help. ‘I have had three wives of whom two died shortly after I married them. My present wife has given birth to six sons, but none of them has lived longer than three months. This year my wife gave birth to another son who is now nearly three months old. I entreat your blessings upon him, and beg you to perform a rite that will keep all destructive forces out of him.’‘What is your son’s name?’ asked the Lama. ‘Bring him here.’‘His name is Samye Guardian,’ Pebdak told him. ‘He was born healthy and intelligent.’
When Pebdak’s wife brought her son, the child immediately began to shake and tremble. ‘Stay still! Don’t be afraid!’ the Lama commanded, and he asked Pebdak to bring a black lassoo that he had seen hanging upon a pillar. He put the noose round the child’s neck as it lay in its mother’s lap and said, ‘If you don’t lick my cock today [tib. khyod mje 'dags ma bcug na], my name isn’t Drukpa Kunley! Now down to the river!’ Dragging the child behind him with the lassoo, followed by the parents wailing, swallowing dust, chewing stones, and tearing their hair, he reached the river bank. ‘If you dare to return here again, you'll get this same treatment,’ said the Lama holding the child at arm’s length by the neck and then hurling him into the centre of the swirling stream. Suddenly the child’s corpse was seen to change into a black dog with a gaping red mouth which snarled, ‘You’ve no compassion, Drukpa Kunlev!’ as it swam to the opposite bank." (p. 66-67)
Tibet, Tibetan Buddhism, guru, theocratic leader, king, court jester, loving grandfather, grandmother and mother, all in one person is too much for anybody. It is very understandable the Tibetans want to defend their leader by any means, and I personally don't think the Dalai-Lama is a pedophile, but the boy was used by him as an object for whatever point he wanted to make. Since the Dalai Lama is a model for many, to normalise this sort of behaviour (see Shola Mos-Shogbamimu above), qualifying it as an affectionate and good-natured exchange between a grandfather and a grandchild, without any precaution, is a bad idea.
[1] https://twitter.com/benedictrogers/status/1646292289768046592
“I have a simple but profound principle - I try never to comment on
something unless and until I feel confident that I understand the full picture
and context.”
[2] Boy: “It was amazing meething His Holiness. I think It is a really great experience meeting someone with such high positive energy. It’s a really nice
feeling meeting him, and you get a lot of that positive energy. It’s not just like that, but once you get positive energy, I think you are happier and it’s a better thing and you smile a lot
more. It was a really good experience overall.”
Mother: “I am Dr. Payal Kanodia, Trustee, M3M Foundation and we've been working in Dharamsala on this skills center which we started last year. Since then we were seeking blessings from His Holiness. Today we got this opportunity and especially my family was there with me and all the students who graduated from iMpower were also present. We’re totally totally blessed to have got these blessings from His Holiness. He came, addressed us in person, told about peace that the world needs and how everyone needs to feel together like brothers and sisters. I absolutely can not express how I feel getting blessed by him, thank you.”
[3] 7. kha dang kha sbyar lce dang 'dab ma dag/
drag tu gzhib ste so gnyis bar du drangs//
de nas cung zad ren par ‘then byed pa/
puSh+pa ke sha me tog ze bar brjod//
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