Philanthropy’s unlikely (?) bedfellows

"Dr Vivek Murthy and his father Dr H N Lakshminarsimha Murthy being felicitated for their philanthropic activities during their visit to Hallagere in Mandya district, His paternal uncle H K Vasanth Kumar is also seen. Also seen: Dr Vivek, his father Dr H N Lakshminarsimha Murthy, mother Mythreyi and sister Dr Rashmi Murthy with Barak Obama" Hansindia

A simple tweet by the Tibetan Review aroused my curiosity. What do the current US Surgeon General, Ex-President Obama and his wife, the Dalaï-lama and an International Yoga and Meditation Centre (IYMC) in India (Hallegere, Mandya district in Karnataka state) have in common? The building of the IYMC is the initiative of the Bhutayi Trust[1], in hands of Dr Lakshminarasimha Murthy, the father of the current US Surgeon General (since December 2020), Dr Vivek Hallege Murthy.

“Murthy's father, Dr Laxminarasimha Murthy hails from Hallegere in Mandya district. He possesses 13 acres of inherited land and has vowed to develop his motherland.

He has planned to open an international-level Yoga and Meditation Centre at a cost of about Rs 80 crore from Bhutayi Trust. The Murthy family is working for social causes through trust. Recently, LN Murthy was also honoured by various organizations.

The Mandya district administration is also extending full cooperation to the works carried out by the trust. MLA Dinesh Gooligowda had announced to provide a grant of 10 lakh rupees from his MLA's regional development fund to the trust. (ANI)”

Ex-President Obama’s link to this specific project of an International Yoga and Meditation Centre is unclear. On January 27th 2016, just before leaving as a President, Obama made “a plea for freedom of religion to be upheld in a country with a history of strife between Hindus and minorities” (Reuters). In 2022, previous to Modi’s visit to the US, Obama “said President Joe Biden in his meeting with PM Narendra Modi should mention the need to protect the Muslim minority in a Hindu majority India” (The Tribune).

“Because if I had a conversation with PM Modi, who by the way I know well, part of my argument would be that if you do not protect the rights of ethnic minorities in India, then there is a strong possibility that at some point of time India will start pulling apart. We have seen what happens when you start getting such kinds of large internal conflicts. So that would be contrary not just to the interest of Muslim India but Hindu India. So, I think it’s important to be able to talk about these things honestly.” (The Tribune)

Modi’s ruling BJP was recently voted out in the key Indian state of Karnataka, where Obama’s visit has now been planned for December 2023. The fact that Ex-President Obama travels with his wife Michelle shows this is a philanthropic visit (Obama Foundation), probably more because of the overall philanthropic activities of Biden’s US Surgeon General activities and his father’s Trust in their original country and region than this specific project of an International Yoga and Meditation Centre, that will probably not displease Indian PM Modi. Yoga and meditation are central to some of the emblematic world religions that India gave birth to and that Modi would like to particularly preserve, protect and promote : Hinduism and Buddhism.

The invitation of the internationally renowned Dalai-lama to this event is therefore religiously, and perhaps even “philanthropically” justified, because of some of the alleged benefits to health, society, etc. linked to the practice of Yoga, meditation, mindfulness…, both in the region, nationally and internationally.

The Mandya district administration will provide help with facilities like helipads, roads, drains, electricity, drinking water in Hallegere for the visit and the future centre.

“The members of the delegation explained the nature of the work of the centre and said that the centre will be a great contribution not only to Hallegere and Mandya district but to the entire state. They also explained the social work being done by the trust.”

“The Mandya district administration is also extending full cooperation to the works carried out by the trust. MLA Dinesh Gooligowda had announced to provide a grant of 10 lakh rupees from his MLA's regional development fund to the trust. (ANI).” (Latestly)

I will try and keep you informed about the International Yoga and Meditation Centre and its international objectives. 

See also my blog about the philanthropic M3M Foundation (Suck my tongue, The builder of the 4 Indian Trump Towers and the Dalai-Lama)

***

[1] Due to my lack of knowledge of hindi and kannada, I could find no information about this trust, including a search on the name in hindi भुतायी ट्रस्ट. Bhūtāyi seems to mean “Earth-mother”.

Tibetans and their public attitude to sexuality in the Dalai-Lama incident

Molière's Tartuffe: "Cover this breast which I cannot behold:
Such a sight can offend one's soul. And it brings forth guilty thoughts."

“As someone who grew up in one of the refugee schools run by the Dalai Lama’s sisters, I have seen him in action up close and from afar. After a lifetime of studying his work and observing his interactions, in addition to having lived in a cultural milieu where the tongue is only ever associated with food and speech, it could not be more clear that there was no sexual or malign intent in his exchange.” How to Judge the Dalai Lama Incident, Tenzin Dorjee, 08/05/2023.

I have great sympathy for the Tibetan people and their cause. At the same time I believe that the religious heritage of the Tibetan culture, that has been of great support to the Tibetan people and diaspora since the Chinese invasion, may be weighing down too much on the further evolution of the Tibetan people, and especially the Tibetan youth. It must be hard to kill a father (Freud) when he stands for everything "Tibetan". It seems to me too much a case of putting all eggs in one basket, which is very risky.  

Regarding the Tibetan reactions to the Dalaï-lama viral, there are many arguments I can hear and understand, even though I wouldn't agree they fit this particular context. I believe that arguments that invoke the Amdo eat-my-tongue tradition greatly exaggerate its relevance and importance, and I really can’t take seriously the argument that in the Tibetan culture “the tongue is only ever associated with food and speech”. That’s nonsense. Other Tibetan reactions blamed a Western influence that oversexualises or hypersexualises everything it sees. Religion still seems to have too big an influence on publicly stated Tibetan views of sexuality. Yet since 1959 Tibetans in exile in India and elsewhere have access to the same culture as Indians etc., including Bollywood and Hollywood movies. When they refer to "Tibetan culture", they surely don't think it's a culture set in time and that should be used as an ultimate reference. 

There also seems to be some confusion about the "Amdo eat-my-tongue prank" and the habit to tongue-feed young children when they receive their first solid food, chewing the food first and then feeding it in their mouths with one’s tongue, like a mother bird does.

“Pema Rigzin is president of the Tibetan Cultural Society of Vancouver, and he's met the Dalai Lama on several occasions. He was also born and raised in Tibet, before moving to India and, eventually, relocating to Canada. [...]
"It's very normal in the Tibetan culture that grandparents give kisses or even chew food for the little ones," Rigzin said in a phone interview with CTVNews.ca.”

“ In our culture, when a child is born, the parents first chew the food and then feed the child with their tongue.” Free Press Journal, Goa: Tibetans in state protest controversial Dalai Lama video; cry defamation

Apparently, in Amdo (also see Jigme Ugen), when there is nothing left to tongue-feed the child and the child requires more food, an elder or parent may stick out their empty tongue, saying “eat my tongue” as a prank.

“Tibetan elders often tease their grandkids, coaxing them for kisses at each feeding. When eating tsampa (roasted barley flour), they may say “Dang po O chig tre dang” (“First, give me a kiss”) gesturing to their cheeks, their nose, and their lips, before sticking out their tongues in jest to finally say, “Da na la gas med. Nga’ che le za” (“Now, I have nothing to give you. Just eat my tongue”).” Tibetan Review, The Defamation of the Dalai Lama: An Intercultural Analysis[1]

Was this really what the Dalai-lama had in mind? A prank associated with a Tibetan custom of tongue-feeding very young children? That is quite a specific combined reference in order to exclude any notion of using a tongue for anything else than for food and speech.  

This explanation doesn’t hold because it is based on a mixture of two different reactions from different cultural milieus. It plays on both the revulsion of a non-Tibetan child/young teenager when an adult sticks out their tongue suggesting they suck/eat it, and on the appetite of a very young Tibetan child claiming more tongue-fed food, and feeling no revulsion at all, on the contrary. We need to distinguish between the tongue-feeding of young children, and possibly the “tongue prank” when there’s no more food left.

From the traditional Tibetan point of view the prank would be to stick out an empty tongue, saying “since this is all that’s left to eat, eat my tongue”. Are older Tibetan children (e.g. the age of the Indian boy) still tongue-fed and is this prank still being played out on them? Is this really such a widespread and obvious thing among Tibetans? Apart from that, we should not forget that the Dalai-lama told the boy “suck my tongue”, after a progressive series of giving a hug, asking a kiss on the cheek, a kiss directly on the mouth, followed by “and suck… my tongue”. 

The reaction of any child/teenager that has never been tongue-fed as a very young child, and who is told “suck my tongue” by an adult would be to pull back immediately and to feel revulsion. That’s the point where this gesture, as a prank, would have worked and would stop or ought to stop, or it would no longer be a prank... In the case of the Indian boy, after the boy pulled back initially, the Dalai-lama continued to stick out his tongue and kept approaching his head nearer to the boy. It seems to me there is something awkward with this insistence, even from the “Tibetan Amdo prank” point of view, since the prank already worked.

Here follows a series of screencaptures from the video of the incident. I am sorry for re-using these images yet again to make my point and for the triggering effect it may have on survivors. 

The Dalai-lama pauses after the kiss on the mouth and seems to reflect or hesitate

Then he says “And suck… my tongue”

The Dalai-lama sticks out his tongue…

He approaches his head towards the boy who pulls back immediately.
The “prank” worked, yet the Dalai-lama insists.

Because of the Dalai-lama's insistence the boy approaches his head towards
the Dalaï-lama, while watching his tongue

The boy approaches further

The Dalai-lama makes a very slight movement of pulling
back and forward again. Their heads touch.

The boy starts to stick out his tongue,
the Dalai-lama withdraws his tongue immediately

The Dalai-lama then pushes the boy away and smiles at him

The Dalai-lama taps the boy on the shoulder and laughs out loud. End of the sequence.

There is a clear effort in all the Tibetan reactions and in those of some Western tibetologists and academics to exclude anything sexual from the incident. The Tibetan Chief Minister even declared the Dalai-lama (like other Tibetan hierarchs) "gone beyond sensorial pleasures". It is repeated a tongue only serves to eat and to speak and there are no sexual connotations whatsoever with the tongue in Tibetan culture. Only Westerners who (over)sexualize everything could see anything sexual in a hug, followed by a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the mouth and “suck my tongue”.

This looks very much like religiously inspired wishful thinking, such as when Iranian president Ahmadinejad explained there were no homosexuals in Iran. The Dalai-lama knows about oral and anal sex, because he regularly declared Buddhism considers these as sexual misconduct. Any Tibetan monk who reads the Vinaya or any Tibetan person taking up temporary lay vows knows about oral and anal sex and what they are not allowed to do as long as their vows last.

For those who really believe Tibetans are exceptions in that field and require proof in writing, there are numerous textual references such as The Tibetan Arts of Love (‘dod pa’i bstan bcos) to the use of tongue and mouth for sexual purposes. Not to mention the Tibetan Tantric literature (e.g. Ragavajra Ganapti). The more daring readers can explore Tibetan erotic or pornographic websites or FB pages explaining in details what can be done with a tongue, quite often written in verse! On a Tibetan Facebook page:

རང་གི་མཇེ་ཡི་སྟེང་འོག་བར་གསུམ་ཀུན་ལ། །
ཁྱོད་ཀྱིས་ལག་པ་གཉིས་ཀྱིས་བཟུང་ན་འདོད་ཀི །
མཇེ་རྒོད་རྭ་ཅོ་བཞིན་དུ་ལངས་བའི་སྐབས་སུ། །
ལྕེ་དང་མཆུ་ཡི་བར་ནས་འཇིབ་ན་འདོད་ཀི ། 

This is not to imply the Dalai-lama is a pedophile or had a malign or sexual intent in this interaction. The Dalai-lama apologized but has not given an explanation for his words and gestures, if there could be one at all. Age and childhood memories could certainly have played a role, but this entails attributing common human features to someone considered a living Buddha. Not everybody is ready to do so. Tenzin Dorjee (How to Judge the Dalai Lama Incident) seems to be open to it

“However, the Dalai Lama is 87 years old. While he is healthier than many of his peers, there is no denying that his is an age of vulnerability where the gradual decline of one’s faculties is the norm rather than the exception. Not only is he hard of hearing, I have learned from reliable sources that his aversion to wearing a hearing aid compounds the problem. In meetings or at public events, he often mishears what a fellow panelist or an audience member is asking, and his assistants can be seen repeating the question to him.

Equally relevant is the sharp decline in his English language competence. When he is in English-speaking settings, he often seems disoriented, struggling to recall simple words that used to be at his fingertips just a few years ago.”

These arguments can be heard and understood if they are not strictly limited to problems of hearing, understanding and speaking English. The gradual decline of a human being’s faculties can go beyond that. But unlike an aging pope a Dalai-lama can’t resign.

***

[1] See also in French, La Libre Belgique, Une énième campagne médiatique de la Chine pour casser l’image du Dalaï-Lama, 09-05-2023, contribution externe.

“Le 28 février 2023, lors d’une audience publique accordée aux 120 élèves de la fondation indienne M3M dont la mère du jeune garçon est responsable, celui-ci demande de manière insistante à pouvoir faire un câlin à Sa Sainteté le Dalaï-Lama. Ce qui se passe ensuite ne peut être compris que lorsque l’on sait que dans la culture tibétaine, il est courant de voir les grands-parents âgés non seulement embrasser les petits enfants, mais aussi leur donner un petit bonbon ou un morceau de nourriture, directement de bouche à bouche. Une fois que l’aîné aura tout donné, comme il n’y a plus rien à donner, il dit “je t’ai tout donné, il ne me reste que ma langue. Est-ce que tu veux manger ma langue ?” Cette pratique est très courante dans la région de l’Amdo, dont Sa Sainteté le Dalaï-Lama est originaire.”

Suck my tongue

The viral video about the Dalai-lama kissing a boy gave rise to numerous reactions on social media, most of them attacking the Dalai-lama and accusing him of paedophilia, others, much rarer, trying to defend him by various means. The large majority of reactions have “QAnon” undertones with references to far-right conspiracy theories about world elite pedophiles. I will leave that particular aspect aside here. I will do the same for the geopolitical side of the Tibetan question and the Dalaï-lama’s former status as a theocratic ruler.

What remains is an incident around a charismatic religious leader and a popular global public figure (Nobel Prize of Peace) and role model for many, who when required by a boy to give a hug, first asked the boy for a kiss on the cheek, then on the mouth and then to suck his tongue. This happened in front of an audience of students and members of the M3M Foundation in the courtyard of the Dalaï-lama’s temple in Dharamsala. “Uninformed” people who watch the video tend to be shocked by what they see. I.e. uninformed about Tibet and Tibetan Buddhism, the status of the Dalai-lama as a holy man, a living Buddha, the embodiment of wisdom and compassion, whose mere gaze, contact, touch etc. are considered to be blessings. Not knowing all this, they tend to see a child being used or abused in public by an authoritative religious figure.

The general reaction of Tibetans in exile tends to be in defense of the Dalaï-lama, who is seen either as a living Buddha, a holy man or a human model of wisdom, love and compassion, often smiling, humorous and sometimes teasing and cheeky. His motivations are always pure and those who see any faults in him ought to look at themselves and their biased perceptions twice.     

Western converts and sympathizers of Tibetan Buddhism (or the Tibetan cause) tend to be divided in their opinions regarding the video. The more unconditional Western converts side with the Tibetans. They may be aware of various scandals in the past involving Tibetan hierarchs, they may have read critical articles and books, watched videos and documentaries about abuse in Tibetan Buddhism, and even admit there may be some rotten apples here and there, but that Tibetan Buddhism and its clerks on the whole are above suspicion. Even more so for holy men like the Dalai-lama. Having any contact with him is considered a blessing.

Unlike more pious Buddhists, other Western converts may consider the clerks of Tibetan Buddhism foremost as mortal men of flesh and blood, with their qualities and faults. They may disapprove of this specific action of the Dalai-lama, but still have faith in him and in Tibetan Buddhism, in spite of the various incidents and scandals. Some of them seem to think that due to his advanced age, the Dalai-lama may show signs of senility or dementia, which is a real possibility. This could partly explain his for the least surprising behavior, because they do think it was surprising and unlike his old self. 

One of the arguments put forwarth by Tibetans in exile points to cultural differences and lack of knowledge of Tibetan culture and customs. There is the old Tibetan tradition of sticking out one’s tongue (lce bsnar/rkyang) as a greeting. Tibetans in exile don’t use this way of greeting each other, they also don’t tend to greet each other through kissing each other on the cheek or on the mouth, not to mention sucking their tongues.

One explanation, that is also popular among some Western converts, is the one given by Jigme, a Tibetan living in the USA.

Jigme

“[5:02] In our Tibetan culture our elders, especially our grandparents, who really didn't have much to give or offer, would affectionately make fun of a child, when they asked for something. A child could ask them for a candy or some pocket change, and the Elder would lovingly barter for affection and then trap you with a joke or a riddle. (‘gram du ‘o byas cig dang po) First give me a kiss on my cheek. (dbu gtug dgos) I need you to touch your forehead on my forehead. (sna gtug dgos) let's touch our noses. (da ‘o cig dgos) Give me a kiss. (Da nga’i lce leb bza’) Which means I gave you everything, so the only thing left for me, is for you to eat my tongue. So the child probably never gets the candy or money, but gets a beautiful lesson on life, love and family. That is exactly what His Holiness tenderly did to the child, the boy who asked for a hug. He gave him as much love, affection and kindness as one would receive from a Tibetan family.”

The Dalai-lama didn’t greet the boy in ancient Tibetan fashion (lce bsnar/rkyang), nor did he ask the boy to eat his tongue (lce bza’), for lack of giving a candy or anything else to “eat”, he asked him to suck his tongue (lce gzhib). The argument doesn’t hold, but seems to be welcomed with a certain relief by some[1].

Jigme’s video starts with his introduction and explanation of "eat my tongue" and ends with the video of the incident, so that viewers can watch the whole scene well prepared and perceive it like “a traditional Tibetan” or a well informed Westerner would see it: an elder, with not much to offer, barters his grandson for affection. When the holy tongue is shoved in the face of the boy, he initially seems to (mis)understand the Dalaï-lama’s “innocent and playful” intention, and withdraws instinctively. The Dalai-lama is not the boy’s elder or family and the scene does not take place in a modest Tibetan home, but in the Dalaï-lama’s temple in Dharamsala during an official ceremony in front of an audience, hence the camera presence before, during and after the event.

For the audience, the boy and his mother the Dalai-lama is a holy man with blessings, transmittable through a darshan, an embrace, prasad, Liberation Upon Sight, Hearing, Touching, or Taste, etc. Whatever way a holy man chooses to pass on his blessing is acceptable for the faithful, including jokes, teasing and crazy wisdom. 

The boy is one of the two sons of Dr.Payal Kanodia (the mother), “trustee of the M3M Foundation and a Director at the M3M Group, where she plays a vital role in the operation of her family's business.” After the ceremony (February, 28th 2023), mother and son were interviewed and declared they felt blessed[2]. The boy's grandfather, Basant Bansal, Founder Chairman of M3M Group, was sitting next to the Dalai-Lama. 

Jigme’s explanation about a Tibetan grandfather using the expression “eat my tongue” to his grandson, and the declarations by the boy and his mother/Trustee of the M3M Foundation after the event about the positive energy and blessings received from His Holiness are presented as the right perspective from which the footage should be viewed. There are other perspectives though.

"Child rights activist Shola Mos-Shogbamimu said we should not normalise child molestation under the garb of playful behaviour with children. This is NOT playful banter & so inappropriate to use ‘affectionately plants kiss’ alongside ‘suck my tongue’. Hugs are fine not this. Don’t normalise molestation of kids Don’t care how revered the Dalai Lama is I’m not OK with a child sucking a grown man/woman/anyone’s tongue,” (The Independent, 13/04/2023) 

Update 15042023

Other reactions have been published since.

“Kaysang, who goes by one name and is a Tibetan feminist educator in India, told VICE World News that “suck my tongue” in Tibetan is also a game for the elders to deter cheeky kids from pestering them.
“The word ‘suck’ in the Tibetan language is ‘jhip’, and this is not a word that is sexualised in our culture,” she said. “ Tibetans Explain What ‘Suck My Tongue’ Means. It’s Not What You Think.

The BBC ("Dalai Lama defended over tongue-sucking remark") quotes Penpa Tsering, head of Tibet's government-in-exile. 

"[He] has called the spiritual leader's actions "innocent" and said it demonstrated his "affectionate behaviour".On Thursday, Mr Tsering said the Dalai Lama's actions had been misinterpreted and that the controversy had hurt the sentiments of his followers.He also said that the Dalai Lama has always lived in "sanctity and celibacy" and that his years of spiritual practice had taken him "beyond the sensorial pleasures"."

A German monk, Tenzin Peljor, writes on Facebook:

"I guess the Dalai Lama has no clue what the term »suck« means from the perspective of people who are used to a sexualised language. Based on his broken, self-taught English, he might have even chosen the wrong term (instead of »eat«, as the Tibetan, Jigme la, explains in his video at minute 5*, he might have accidentally used the term »suck«.) Though this is mere speculation, it is a view that can be considered too instead of projecting only the worst."

I was unable to find any hits on the Internet for the current Tibetan expression "Eat my tongue" (lce [leb] za - in all declinations) or "Suck my tongue" (lce [leb] 'zhibs [dang] - in all declinations) in a non-sexualised sense, but that doesn't say much. The only hits are contributions after the incident (28/02/2023) mentioning this Tibetan (Amdo) tradition. The Dalai-Lama who can say in perfect English "I am a Marxist", "But not a Leninist", surely knows the difference between eat and suck.

"Suck", "eat" and "lick" can have the same sexual connotations in Tibetan as in any other language. The Dalai-Lama and other Tibetans may have read Surūpa's Kāmaśāstra in Tibetan (Tengyur: 'dod pa'i bstan bcos by slob dpon gZugs bzang), or Gedün Chöpel's "Tibetan Arts of Love" ('Dod pa'i bstan bcos), translated into English by Jeffrey Hopkins, or other Tantric scriptures on sexual yoga, such as can be found in the Kālacakra literature or elsewhere. Unlike the other forms of Buddhism, Buddhist Tantra claims that without the use of "sensorial pleasures", full awakening is impossible.

In Death, Intermediate State and Rebirth in Tibetan Buddhism, by Lati Rinpoche, Jeffrey Hopkins, H.H. the Dalai Lama (1981), we read about the progressive arising of consciousness according to Buddhist Tantra.

"1. Desire: attachment to an object not yet attained 2. Adherence: attachment to an object attained 3. Great joy: a joyous mind upon seeing the pleasant 4. Middling joy 5. Small joy 6.  Rejoicing: pleasure due to having achieved a desired object 7. Rapture: a mind repeatedly experiencing a desired object 8. Amazement: contemplating an object that did not arise before 9. Excitement: a mind distracted through perceiving a pleasant object 10. Contentment: satisfaction with a pleasant object 11. Embracing: desiring to embrace 12. Kissing: desiring to kiss 13 Sucking: desiring to suck 14 Stability: a mind of unchanging continuum..." etc. (p. 40)

From the Tibetan Arts of Love:

"Gedun Chopel appears to have taken the Kama Sutra as a starting point and creatively molded and amplified on it.
1. mutual acknowledgment, pratibodha (phan tshun shes pa): a kiss of mutual acknowledgment as when two who were previously acquainted meet again.
2. initial kissing (dang po'i 'o): the man pinches a timid girl's ear and then kisses it and the crown of her head.
3. throbbing, sphuritaka (gul 'phrig can): a vibrating kiss on the lips.
4. sign, nimittaka (mtshan ma can). The woman rubs the man's body with her lips and tongue, thereby showing that she has engendered joy, due to which it is called a sign, a basic meaning of the Sanskrit word nimittaka. In the Kama Sutra (II.3.10) nimittaka refers to a young girl's merely touching her lover's lips but out of shyness does not suck his lips, due to which it is translated as "Limited Kiss"3 and "Nominal Kiss".What in the Kama Sutra is a kiss in shyness is a kiss of full-fledged desire for Gedun Chopel.
5. waterwheel, ghatika (chu yi 'khor lo): with cheek to nose, a kiss on the mouth, rubbing the inside of the partner's mouth with the tip of the tongue.
6. after-kiss, uttara (rjes kyi 'o): the woman kisses all over the male after (uttara) he has done so to her. In the Kama Sutra (II.3.21) uttara refers to "upper"; the woman sucks the lower lip of the man, and the man kisses the upper lip of the woman; hence, it is translated as "Upper Lip Kiss".
7. jewel-case, pitaka (sprog ma can): the male sucks and kisses the stomach of the woman lying down. 8. the last kiss, an intoxicated drinking of the emitted regenerative fluid, is unnamed. This does not appear in the Kama Sutra." (p. 69-71).

The expression "suck" with clearly sexual connotations is also found in the same work.

"7. anthers of a flower, puṣpakeśa (me tog ze ba): the tongue and the lips are sucked hard between the teeth.(p. 76)[3] 

Like many Tibetans, the Dalai-Lama may have laughed out loud when reading stories about Drukpa Kunley, The divine madman (translated into English by Keith Dowman).

"Later Pebdak asked for the Lama’s help. ‘I have had three wives of whom two died shortly after I married them. My present wife has given birth to six sons, but none of them has lived longer than three months. This year my wife gave birth to another son who is now nearly three months old. I entreat your blessings upon him, and beg you to perform a rite that will keep all destructive forces out of him.’‘What is your son’s name?’ asked the Lama. ‘Bring him here.’‘His name is Samye Guardian,’ Pebdak told him. ‘He was born healthy and intelligent.’

When Pebdak’s wife brought her son, the child immediately began to shake and tremble. ‘Stay still! Don’t be afraid!’ the Lama commanded, and he asked Pebdak to bring a black lassoo that he had seen hanging upon a pillar. He put the noose round the child’s neck as it lay in its mother’s lap and said, ‘If you don’t lick my cock today [tib. khyod mje 'dags ma bcug na], my name isn’t Drukpa Kunley! Now down to the river!’ Dragging the child behind him with the lassoo, followed by the parents wailing, swallowing dust, chewing stones, and tearing their hair, he reached the river bank. ‘If you dare to return here again, you'll get this same treatment,’ said the Lama holding the child at arm’s length by the neck and then hurling him into the centre of the swirling stream. Suddenly the child’s corpse was seen to change into a black dog with a gaping red mouth which snarled, ‘You’ve no compassion, Drukpa Kunlev!’ as it swam to the opposite bank." (p. 66-67)

Tibet, Tibetan Buddhism, guru, theocratic leader, king, court jester, loving grandfather, grandmother and mother, all in one person is too much for anybody. It is very understandable the Tibetans want to defend their leader by any means, and I personally don't think the Dalai-Lama is a pedophile, but the boy was used by him as an object for whatever point he wanted to make. Since the Dalai Lama is a model for many, to normalise this sort of behaviour (see Shola Mos-Shogbamimu above), qualifying it as an affectionate and good-natured exchange between a grandfather and a grandchild, without any precaution, is a bad idea.     

 ***

[1] https://twitter.com/benedictrogers/status/1646292289768046592

“I have a simple but profound principle - I try never to comment on something unless and until I feel confident that I understand the full picture and context.”

[2] Boy: “It was amazing meething His Holiness. I think It is a really great experience meeting someone with such high positive energy. It’s a really nice feeling meeting him, and you get a lot of that positive energy. It’s not just like that, but once you get positive energy, I think you are happier and it’s a better thing and you smile a lot more. It was a really good experience overall.”

Mother: “I am Dr. Payal Kanodia, Trustee, M3M Foundation and we've been working in Dharamsala on this skills center which we started last year. Since then we were seeking blessings from His Holiness. Today we got this opportunity and especially my family was there with me and all the students who graduated from iMpower were also present.  We’re totally totally blessed to have got these blessings from His Holiness. He came, addressed us in person, told about peace that the world needs and how everyone needs to feel together like brothers and sisters. I absolutely can not express how I feel getting blessed by him, thank you.”

[3] 7. kha dang kha sbyar lce dang 'dab ma dag/
drag tu gzhib ste so gnyis bar du drangs//
de nas cung zad ren par ‘then byed pa/
puSh+pa ke sha me tog ze bar brjod//

Not the Tibetan way

Screencapture “Members of the audience posing for a group photo with His Holiness the Dalai Lama at the end of the program in the courtyard of the Main Tibetan Temple in Dharamsala, HP, India on February 28, 2023."

Two videos have appeared on Youtube, where the Dalai-lama can be seen kissing a boy on the mouth: Dalai Lama inappropriately tongue-kisses boy and a video on the channel of Tibetan Happy [this video has now been removed 13042023, another copy here].

On February 28, 2023 in Dharamsala, the Dalai-lama addressed visitors from the M3M Foundation, “the philanthropic arm of M3M India group”, one of the country’s biggest real estate developers of “luxury residential developments and premium commercial projects”. One of the Foundation’s initiatives is iMpower. “iMpower Resource Center has been established to serve families of migrant construction workers that have no means for providing their children with supportive learning experiences.” The Dalai-lama addressed a group of graduates of this initiative.

At one point during the meeting, a boy (who may be related to one of the organisers, see photos below) asks if he can hug the Dalai-lama. Someone may have told him to ask this.

“Can I hug you?”

The translator explains “rgyal ba rin po che bsdam na grig gi red”, but the Dalai-lama doesn’t seem to understand. Then another translator adds “rgyal ba rin po che hug cig bcing gi ‘dug zer”. This time the Dalai-lama seems to understand (maybe confusing a hug and a kiss). 

"Ok, come !"

"First here" [points to his cheek]

"Then I think finally here also"

[points to his mouth, pouts his lips and moves forward]

 

"And suck… my tongue"

[DL sticks out his tongue and moves his head towards the boy.

The boy initially approaches hesitantly,
than withdraws, visibly somewhat ill at ease]

"Thank you." [grabs the boy’s hand and holds it against his cheek,
relatively long, the boy smiles a bit akwardly]

"We are same human brothers sisters [puts his arm around the boy’s neck and draws the boy towards him and holds him with one hand, relatively long, the boy tries to get out of the hug. When released the boy smiles akwardly] 

"Thank you." [the boy wants to go, DL holds him back,

pointing his finger up to imaginary good people] "
"Now, you should look those good human beings, who create peace, happiness."

"Should not follow those human beings who always kill other people. 
You should not look these people."

[DL pulls boy towards him and hugs him, with one hand, then with two hands,

then seems to tickle him under his right arm,

the boy withdraws, protecting himself with his right arm, smiling a bit akwardly]

On the picture above, the boy is standing in front of the Dalai-lama, a woman and a man standing next to him. Perhaps his parents, as representatives of the Foundation or the M3M Group? Would this explain all the “special attention” the boy is given by the Dalai-lama?

Hugging, kissing on the cheek, kissing on the mouth and tongue kissing in public are not Tibetan customs. Greeting with the tongue was a Tibetan custom, but has disappeared from the Tibetan communities in exile. The Dalai-lama seems to be mocking Western habits of greeting, by going further each time. Perhaps he finds those habits too intimate in public situations, especially compared to the Indian greeting with folded hands (namaste). Yet he doesn't refrain from acting them out in public, and with a boy. At every more intimate way of greeting the DL suggests, the audience laughs louder. Perhaps after the tongue kiss the Dalai-lama realises he may have gone too far, and goes back to the simple “hug”, the boy actually asked for, and talks about good and bad people and how the boy should strive to follow the good people. He hugs the boy again and tickles him, as an uncle would do to his nephew or niece..., ending the encounter in a more acceptable joking way, making thus forget what happened just before.

At one point after the meeting the boy breaks a coconut by throwing it on the floor. The DL laughs

During the meeting the Dalai-lama said: “Sometimes I jokingly say that in times past we Tibetans were the students and you Indians were the teachers, but now, when Indian has come so much under the influence of western thought, it is we Tibetans who have kept ancient Indian knowledge and values alive.” (Buddhist Times)

The Dalai-lama seems to want to suggest that the Indians, unlike Tibetans, went too far in accepting the Western influence, perhaps including “strange” Western habits and values. This could be a change from his former soft power tactics, perhaps the Dalai-lama wants to show stronger support to “traditional” Indian values and habits, and to Modi’s political choices. Since Western values are under attack, and the power balance may be changing, showing more criticism of the West and a greater inclination to traditional Asian values could perhaps be thought of as an intelligent soft power move in a changing world, and especially in India?

Apart from this, the way the Dalai-lama acted with the boy, used him as an object for whatever reason, is not acceptable. How the Dalai-lama could associate a hug asked by a child with a tongue kiss, only he himself or his shrink can know. All the boy asked for was a simple hug. I think the Pope, another His Holiness, would probably have given the boy a simple hug. Imagine what would have happened if the pope acted like the Dalaï-lama. Buddhist exceptionalism is still alive and kicking, but for how long?  

Update 10042023 Reaction Office of the Dala-Lama